September 27, 2012

shorter days

Fall is here. The leaves are changing. What I hoped would be the start of a brand new year of art making has turned into .. well, I don't know what.  I've been struggling.  I hadn't thought about the amount of work and attention a puppy requires. I only considered the love. I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason so I know in time our dog will be our closest ally. The other night a friend suggested instead of fighting the energy ( of a puppy, a city, a job, whatever) to see it as support and let it carry you along. Instead of clutching to the sides of a flowing river, fighting it, let go and be open to the places it may carry you. She also said that even if I'm not actively sitting and making a piece of art work, my life is that of an artist so all I do, will contribute in some way. These have been very comforting words and I'm trying to embrace it all. In the meantime , I do have ideas percolating but haven't worked out the  application of them. It's feels good to have ideas again. It was pretty scary there for awhile

September 12, 2012

new birth

 This was a hard summer. I let myself get away from making art and really suffered for it. I made the mistake of thinking that I didn't have the time to carve out some space for myself. While there was a lot going on, it's never an excuse for not taking care of myself. Making art is not a luxury. It's who I am. If I don't make art , I may as well deny myself food and shelter because it felt that desperate to me at times( although I didn't know why when it was happening). It's really hard to say to my family that this is what I need( especially for me because I'm really good at putting myself last) but if I don't they are miserable too. I want my son to know how important it is to take care of yourself and I'm a big fan of teaching through example. August was really hard in part because of all this but also because I connected some dots that had been lose, floating around before. Dots, that first appeared many years ago, in August. So, when J said he found a puppy, I thought that was an opportunity for me to say yes to something spontaneous, wonderful and new. I did say yes but kinda freaked myself out in the process. Trying on new ways of being is always scary but, it's also an opportunity for growth. Here's to the next chapter!